I can’t imagine what it must be like to have lost a loved one during this pandemic. To have someone die directly as a result of COVID-19 is a further tragedy for the families involved. To not be able to grieve openly has been horribly tough. There has been loss of life and illness across many families. That toll of these bottled up feelings and absence of being able to tell their loved ones’ stories over and over will make coming to terms with loss a prolonged process. We are famous for our big funerals and there is a culture around funerals which supports the grieving family.

It was really weird smelling this trail of Granny behind you

My mother died 16 years ago this week. It was so long ago, but I still feel the comfort of all those who respected and loved Maria Campion filing through our house, the church and the graveyard. As we spoke of Mam and remembered her this week, my daughter Julie told me I acted strange in the weeks after her funeral. She said: “You were going around the place wearing her perfume. It was really weird smelling this trail of Granny behind you.”

I have no memory of this. We wondered what Mam might say if she were still alive. It would be something like: “Sure, haven’t we each other? We’ll be grand.” That is surely the spirit to foster.

My friend Siobhán’s father, Michael, died and my friend Aisling’s mother, Eileen, died in recent months. May they rest in peace. It was bizarre, not being able to attend the funerals.

So much has happened and we’ve had to behave differently

Although everyone understands why we cannot attend; it still feels cruel and unkind to be acting in this way. Life goes on. It does not stop for coronavirus. Other friends had personal issues and traumas during which I couldn’t help them. So much has happened and we’ve had to behave differently. We’ve been robbed of face-to-face contact with our friends and extended families. It is not normal or natural. Yet we must do it and have done it. We cannot ignore the emotional toll and mental anguish it has caused and will continue to inflict on families during the coming year. It is quite possible that society has been altered forever and we have to go with it. Sometimes we have to decide to be happy.

As we approach Christmas, it is important to reach out to others. I’ve cut my Christmas cards down in recent years; opting to text and email people. This year, I’ve returned to the Christmas card tradition and am trying to write a substantial message rather than the usual “to your house from our house”-type message. Our most special Christmas card came from Kosovo last year, where my son Philip was serving with the Irish Defence Forces. He had put some lovely thoughts into it and I’m still reading it. I have it on the notice board above my desk. A thoughtful card or letter gives us a real lift and it lives on.

Knowing that people are wishing you well and keeping an eye on you is a very special feeling

Many of you wrote to me and sent get well cards in the last while. Each one was special and much appreciated. Our experiences change and shape us. As we work through tough times we grow stronger. Knowing that people are wishing you well and keeping an eye on you is a very special feeling. In return, I would like to say thank you and to send a Christmas thought to all you readers who read my column.

A letter

Dear Friend,

I’ve missed you. I might not be able to read your face behind that mask but I know that you are finding it tough, too.

I feel different. I’m sure you do too. I hate that I can’t talk to you face-to-face. I missed seeing you at the Ploughing Championships. I missed Women and Agriculture. I missed attending your wedding. I missed attending your birthday party. I missed not being able to visit you when you needed to lean on our friendship.

Most of all, I missed hugging you. I don’t know how I will refrain from hugging you when I see you. It will be so strange.

Meanwhile, have a lovely Christmas. It is different and it will also be a new experience. It is going to be special in our little bubbles. We are making history. Let’s make it a good story for future generations with a happy ending.

Thinking of you,

Katherine