Dear Miriam,

One of my best friends is getting married at the end of this summer. I used to go out with a good friend of her future husband, but he ended the relationship last year. I later found out that he was cheating on me with a girl from his workplace and they are now together.

As I suspected all along – but has been recently confirmed – they will also be at the wedding. My friend was really apologetic when she told me this news and explained that as my ex is a long-time friend of her husband-to-be, he could not be uninvited or told that he was not allowed to bring his new partner on the day.

I understand the tricky situation that the couple are in and know that they can’t be expected to take sides in our break-up, but this obviously puts me in a difficult position. While I’ve moved on in my own way and understand now that I probably had a lucky escape, I don’t particularly want to have to smile or make small talk with my ex or his new girlfriend at the wedding. A lot of people who will be there will know what happened too, so I don’t really like the idea of people watching or gossiping about me/him all day. I am not in a new relationship either so I suppose that is also a factor; maybe if I had a new boyfriend to show off I’d feel differently. Though I know I won’t be completely on my own, as I’ll be with other good friends on the day.

Obviously, it’s my friend’s big day and I want to be there and celebrate with her. But this is definitely taking the enjoyment and excitement out of it.

What do you think is the best way to handle it?

Siobhan, Leinster

Dear Siobhan,

Thank you for your email. I’m sorry to hear that you were betrayed by your previous partner; but I agree – as you confirm – that you probably had “a lucky escape”, even though it hurt to find out in that manner.

I can also completely understand why the thought of seeing your ex and his new girlfriend at the wedding might be anxiety-inducing. However, I would urge you to remember that he was actually the one responsible for ending the relationship in that way – not you – and so if anybody should feel uncomfortable about the situation it should be him. I would also add that his behaviour reflects on him, not on you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about or nothing to prove to anybody, least of all your ex. In fact, the only thing you need to do is enjoy the day and share in your best friend’s happiness.

Of course, there are some steps you could take that might make things more comfortable for you. For example, your friend – who is obviously aware of the awkward situation – should be able to arrange the seating plans so that the new couple are not sitting nearby during the meal.

The fact that you will be with a crew of your own pals who love and care for you will also be a great support, whether it’s at the church or on the dance floor. Wear something that makes you feel your best; not for the benefit of your ex or his new girlfriend by the way, but for yourself. You are a strong woman who has come through a difficult situation, so step into your power.

But ultimately, it’s trying not to let somebody who does not deserve it hold any sort of power over you any longer. Remember this day is about celebrating a friend that you love; not wasting any more time and energy on somebody who no longer deserves your attention. Have a great day. CL

Read more

My sister-in-law has snubbed me for the role of godmother

My mother-in-law is annoyed that we don’t want to baptise our baby