Dear Miriam,

There’s a small issue at the moment that’s causing me a bit of bother. I’m not a man for letting things get to me usually, but this has gotten under my skin. So I wouldn’t mind getting your take on it.

I want anything bar the names she has in mind

My wife and I got married last year and now we’re expecting our first child. A very exciting time all around, but we’ve hit a bump on the road – naming the baby! The long and short of it is; she wants an obscure Irish name and I want something simpler. Well, I want anything bar the names she has in mind.

Now, I’ve no problem with a good Irish name, honestly, but the names she’s thinking about are off the wall altogether.

I’d happily settle for a more run of the mill Irish name like, Mícheál, Niamh or Clodagh

There’s not one that doesn’t have a ‘dhbh’ or an ‘ach’ in it. I could hardly pronounce them, never mind spell them.

I’d happily settle for a more run of the mill Irish name like, Mícheál, Niamh or Clodagh, but those suggestions have fallen on deaf ears. I don’t want to be too forceful about the name either, the woman is pregnant and I don’t want to be upsetting her.

This issue is eclipsing what should be a happy time

But now any talk of names is getting to me more and more. This issue is eclipsing what should be a happy time.

My wife and I get on great. I knew when I married her she was a lot more arty than me, that’s one of the things I really like about her, but I never envisioned such an issue would arise.

What can I do to get around this without upsetting her or calling my child a name I really hate?

Dad-to-be

Dear Dad-to-be,

Congratulations on your expectant arrival. Issues over naming children are very common among couples, and the only way to bridge the impasse is for one or other or both the parties to compromise.

You can keep it very civil and there doesn’t need to an argument at all

As with most problems, the best way to tackle it is by talking. It is great that you are being conscious of your wife’s wellbeing at the moment, but you can still have a conversation with her about the child’s name. You can keep it very civil and there doesn’t need to an argument at all.

Explain to her that you really don’t like the vein she is going along at the moment with names and could you discuss options you both like? Tell her you are open to compromising.

Try to be specific as to why you don’t like certain names and offer alternatives

What might be helpful is if you both made a list of names, boys’ and girls’ if you don’t know the sex, obviously. And discuss what names you are open to on each other’s list and what names don’t do it for you at all.

After that you should have a better idea of what you like collectively. Try to be specific as to why you don’t like certain names and offer alternatives, as you rightly suggested with the other Irish names.

Also, if there is a name your wife really likes and you don’t, could you suggest it as a middle name? That way you are not vetoing it and you can work on a first name together. Is there a name that has meaning for both of you? Thinking along those lines might help.

Remember, while it is important on one level, it is only a name at the end of the day

Finally, as William Shakespeare wrote: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Remember, while it is important on one level, it is only a name at the end of the day. What is most important here is how much you will love this baby, which I’m sure will be an awful lot.

Wishing you and your family all the best,

Miriam

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