I am always interested to get readers views on some of the problems that appear on this page. So, I am happy to share the following two letters I received in response to a recent issue: “I’m struggling to cope since my wife started triathlon training”, published in the 15 February edition of Irish Country Living. Thank you to both our readers for getting in touch and sharing their viewpoints.

Dear Miriam,

I am responding to the issue shared in your column in the 15 February edition.

Reading the piece, I can understand the pressure the husband is feeling, especially being this busy time of the year and with three small children.

Another way of looking at it is; how would it be if it was not just her goal bu

However, I do wonder about the importance of this triathlon for his wife. If the triathlon represents purpose for her and she is willing to train and be committed to this schedule, maybe the family could support this.

Another way of looking at it is; how would it be if it was not just her goal but the family’s goal? The family is a team, there to support and encourage each other, and their goals and dreams. The attitude the family has towards this has potential to be empowering. Can they lean-in on extended family and friends to give some support? Hold family discussions to talk about the week’s schedule? The open communication could get them all on the same page.Yes sacrifices will be made and at times it will be hard, but most things worthwhile in life require this

So often we can limit ourselves or the people in our lives as the timing is inconvenient or other limiting beliefs; how would it be to choose a different belief?

Yes sacrifices will be made and at times it will be hard, but most things worthwhile in life require this. This can be bigger than just the mum’s goal, it can be the family’s goal.

Olivia

Dear Miriam,

I read the letter about the triathlon training with interest and would just like to offer my views on it. From what Dairy Dad says, the shoe is merely on the other foot from the status quo for most couples; where he feels he is doing “the lion’s share of the work with the children”.

For most women, this is their lot, so I find it interesting that a man is in the hotspot and, no surprise, doesn’t like it much.

Kids are able to do far more than is expected of them nowadays

The eldest child, at 10, has to do extra two mornings of the week. This is two, not five, or seven mornings, and the younger ones should be well able to do lots for themselves too. Kids are able to do far more than is expected of them nowadays.

Farming men are often overdependent on their wives. If the wife is not out working, often to keep the family afloat, the man wants her to be at home at his beck and call, to do all the housework, perhaps help on the farm and do the lion’s share of rearing the children too. They see their own role as that of farming, end of. There is, in my opinion, huge inequity in the partnership for a lot of farmers’ wives.

My advice to Dairy Dad is to stop feeling sorry for himself, be happy for his wife

How many men see nothing wrong with having a life outside of job and family? They scoot off without a thought to their football training, gym, golf, meetings etc and for them it’s as easy as closing the door and leaving it all behind them for their wives to do and cope with. And how many of them are challenged for doing this?

My advice to Dairy Dad is to stop feeling sorry for himself, be happy for his wife at this exciting time in her life and support her, as she seems to have done for him for years. A positive and selfless approach on his part will also, more than likely, be a great boost to his marriage in the long run, as she too feels she has a good partner behind her.

Meath Farmer’s Wife

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