Dear Miriam,

My daughter started school this September and, despite a few tears, has settled in well. However, the reason I am writing to you is because of one of the other mothers at the school gates.

We were friends until our early 20s, when she cheated with my long-term boyfriend. In a way, her betrayal hurt more than his. Looking back, I probably had a lucky escape, but it was devastating at the time. Luckily, I managed to move on and am now happily married, with a circle of close friends.

While we live in a rural area, we have more or less managed to avoid each other. But now that our daughters have started school, it’s going to be much harder. The last thing I want is to find myself in this woman’s company again, but I don’t want my daughter to feel uncomfortable or excluded because of our issues. I’m doing my best to avoid her by racing away from the school as soon as I drop off or collect my daughter, but I can’t run for ever. What should I do?

Susan, Leinster.

Dear Susan,

Simple answer: stop running. After all, if anybody should be running, it ought to be your former friend. But, really, this is not about either of you, but about your daughters. The last thing they need to carry into school is their mothers’ baggage. So even though you were wronged in the past – and it hurts – it’s time to let go. You have a loving marriage, a family and a circle of close friends. This is an exciting time, as your daughter starts to put her own little stamp on the world. So why let that experience be marred by something that doesn’t really matter anymore?

That doesn’t mean you have to have a heart-to-heart with your former friend to reach a truce. Simply hold your head up high when you go to the school gates and act as any other proud mum would. I’m not saying to forget the past – but don’t let it hold power over you any longer. Good luck.

‘The isolation stays the same’

Dear Miriam,

You might remember me from my letter (published 3 August). I am very grateful for your advice and indeed that of your readers.

In your reply, you say that the core of my problem is not my sexuality, but my acceptance of it. To be honest, I think I have accepted I’m gay. I was born this way and certainly did not choose it. All that said, it does not make me feel any differently.

I have spoken to people on the gay switchboard and, while I found them very helpful, my core feelings of isolation stay the same. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very grateful for your help – but the truth of the matter is nothing can change the way I feel now. Maybe down the road I will feel differently.

As I said in my previous letter, I would dearly love to be part of my community. I would love to have a wife and family, just like my friends. I suppose in life we have to accept some things will never be. Even writing this now, the tears are running down my face. I get up every morning and try my best to get through the day, wishing for night to come because time passes quicker when I can sleep (sometimes I can’t). Who knows what life will throw at us, or where it will lead us. Thanking you and your readers again for your advice.

Lonely

Dear Lonely,

Thank you again for your heartfelt letter. I completely appreciate your point about isolation, but I suppose when I spoke about acceptance I was not just referring to the acceptance of your sexuality, but rather the realisation that, in time, you could hopefully live a full and rewarding life on your own terms. However, I understand that’s easier said than done.

But I hope you take comfort from the fact that your story touched a chord with our readers, and that you can continue to access support to help you through the harder days, and ultimately find the happiness and peace you deserve. CL