Dear Miriam,

I got married eight years ago, but now my wife is talking about separating. I’m gone from where we were living the last year or so. I don’t think my wife wants me down there anymore. I’m very bothered and upset over it Miriam, and I think it’s too much for me to take after all that time. I built a good shed and did a lot of work in the surroundings, as well as in the house and garden.

It’s a long time Miriam to be with someone and be there with her all the time, but she doesn’t ring me or text me – I do ring her mobile number, but no answer over the last five to six weeks. I don’t know what to do Miriam. I was very good to her all the time when I was down there. I’m working on the farm here at home with my mother now and help her out, looking after the place.

I would love to meet someone nice, a lady that I could like from someplace else in the country. I’m not too particular about age and I could travel up to see or meet her wherever. I would be very nice to her and meet her parents and her family. I like dances, music, etc.

I do buy the Farmers Journal every week and I read the Getting In Touch column. It’s very interesting to see all those ads and people’s profiles – it’s a good paper. I’m sure a lot of women like farming and the outdoor life as well.

Regards,

Western Reader

Dear Western Reader,

First of all, thank you for your letter. I am sorry that things did not work out as planned in your marriage and can see from your letter that this has obviously caused you a lot of distress. I don’t know the circumstances that led to the breakdown of the relationship, but no doubt it has been difficult on both of you.

Rather than leap into another relationship, however, I think it is important that you concentrate for now on supporting yourself through the separation process, if that looks to be the most likely outcome of this situation. This includes getting professional legal advice from your solicitor; though if you don’t have access to a solicitor at this time, you could visit your local Citizen’s Information Centre (www.citizensinformation.ie ), which should guide you on accessing basic, confidential legal advice for free through FLAC legal clinics (www.flac.ie)

However, I would also strongly encourage you to consider seeking counselling support to help you to process your feelings around the end of the relationship and where you want to go from here. Your GP should be able to recommend a person to speak to. Alternatively, you can visit www.iacp.ie or www.iahip.org to find details of accredited professionals in your area. There are also telephone support services that you can connect with if you find yourself struggling with feeling down, such as the helpline provided by Aware on 1800-804848 from 10am-10pm, Monday to Sunday.

I would also advise you to seek support from your own friends and family, as it is important not to feel alone at this time. You mention the work you did around the house and garden during your marriage, so I suspect that you are good with your hands. Would you be interested in getting involved with an organisation like the Men’s Sheds? It might be a nice outlet for you over the winter months to get a break from the farm, get involved in positive projects and also meet other people. You can find details of your nearest shed by visiting www.menssheds.ie or by calling 01-8916150.

I realise, of course, that I have not answered your question regarding how to meet a new woman. However, I strongly believe that you have to deal with the closure of this chapter and support yourself first and foremost, so that when the time is right you will be in the best possible position to pursue a new relationship.

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