Dear Miriam,

I am due to have my first baby in the coming weeks, and feel very anxious due to the fact that my husband will only be allowed in for “active labour” and a short time afterwards due to the COVID-19 restrictions in the hospital I’m attending (I know others have slightly different rules).

As a first-time mother, the idea of labour is very daunting as you just don’t know what to expect, not to mind not having your husband by your side for most of it. I had hoped all the way through my pregnancy that they might have relaxed the restrictions by now, but it doesn’t seem likely.

I know there is nothing that I can do about the situation, but it’s causing me a lot of worry when I should be enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy.

First-time mother

Dear First-time mother,

First things first: congratulations on your impending arrival. I think that what you are feeling right now is natural and it’s important to acknowledge it; but try to not let it take over this special time.

I understand how daunting it must feel, especially as a first-time mother, but please remember that you husband will be with you for active labour and delivery; and you will also have the full support, care and kindness of the midwives and medical staff. If you are feeling anxious, it might be no harm to flag this at your next appointment and hopefully they might be able to put your mind at ease in this regard.

Try to eat a balanced diet, get some fresh air, catch up with friends virtually

I would also advise that you practise self-care to help reduce some of that anxiety in the coming weeks. Some people swear by the GentleBirth app, but you can also find some mindfulness meditations on YouTube specifically for pregnancy. Try to eat a balanced diet, get some fresh air, catch up with friends virtually and just try to look after yourself and rest now as best you can.

Also make sure you have your phone charger, a pair of headphones and enough data if you are going to be using internet/video calls

When packing your hospital bag, make sure to include some little comforts that will help you pass the time when you are by yourself before the baby is born; your favourite treats, a new book, magazine, playlist or downloaded TV series. Also make sure you have your phone charger, a pair of headphones and enough data if you are going to be using internet/video calls (just in case the WiFi is not great in hospital).

I know that no amount of treats will compensate for not having your husband by your side for the whole experience. But I do believe that ultimately, we are all much stronger than we think and now is the time to trust in yourself and remember that it won’t be long until the three of you will be going home together. I truly wish you, your husband and your baby all the very best.

Readers Write

Hi Miriam,

I empathise with the lonely farmer. I had a similar life experience myself, and just wanted to let him know that yes, it is absolutely possible to turn your life around. Getting married to someone who then shows their other side is more common than you might think. This happened to two friends of mine also.

I have managed to transform my own life

I would like him to know that there are people out there who can help. I myself have found a personal development programme to be life-changing. In my own family life I have had to deal with extremely challenging experiences, but with help, I have managed to transform my own life and it’s important for him to know that this is absolutely possible for him also.

It is never too late to turn your life around. I wish him all of the very best.

Kind Regards,

Midlands Reader

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