Human beings, generally speaking, are social creatures. We live in family groups and most of the time enjoy other people’s company. Being alone is sometimes seen as a disadvantage or perhaps as a lack of something and I think it’s fair to say that the majority of people don’t really want to be alone for all of their lifetime.

But as thinking, living, loving, breathing human beings, we do need some alone time to reflect and see how we’re coping/managing. That’s how we grow, how we learn, how we progress, how we figure things out, invent and create.

How we heal, how we check in with ourselves and how we keep ourselves feeling at home within ourselves.

In recent times there has been a change in the perceived value of alone time. The society we have created with all its wonderful attributes has also taken us a little bit away from the still, quiet space we require to be fully ourselves.

It’s very difficult in this fully connected world of ours to be alone, to be uncontactable. Not answering the phone or text straight away can attract all sorts of social judgements - unnecessarily so in my opinion.

The value of stillness and inner reflection is certainly tangible to anyone who does take the time to be alone, anyone who learns to be with themselves

It’s almost as if our human need for stillness and simply being has lost its value.

However, the value of stillness and inner reflection is certainly tangible to anyone who does take the time to be alone, anyone who learns to be with themselves.

Being with yourself is learning to sit with all that’s happening within you at that particular moment – all those thoughts, feelings, desires, physical aches and pains, uncertainties – and doing so without judgment or self-criticism.

Did you know you have an oasis of calm within you? A little space to visit to help you manage and cope with whatever life throws at you? You do, I do, we all do

This is really difficult! But it’s also really worthwhile because we can learn from this experience how to heal, process, grow and become more content.

It’s also very rejuvenating for the body and helps to foster clearer thinking and decisiveness. Did you know you have an oasis of calm within you? A little space to visit to help you manage and cope with whatever life throws at you? You do, I do, we all do. Sometimes we just forget.

Shakespeare had a point when he wrote, “To be or not to be, that is the question.” That really is, in my view, the only question. Are you going to allow yourself to be yourself?

Mindfulness exercise

Our mindfulness exercise is to learn how to be with yourself, even if it’s just for a few moments in your day. Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed. The car is actually a good place to do this – so long as you’re on your own and it’s parked. Maybe you could do it after you leave the house in the morning or before you get home in the carpark at work or the shops even.

Turn off the radio and let your hands rest on your thighs. I’d suggest closing your eyes, but you don’t have to if that’s uncomfortable for you.

When the mind wanders off as it will, bring it back to the gentle movement of the breath in your body

Then – this is the difficult bit – notice that you’re breathing. Can you feel the relative coolness of the air as it comes in your nostrils, its relative warmth as it goes out? Can you notice and hold your attention on the rising and falling of your chest and your breath, in and out? Whichever part of the breath you notice more, then stick with that, holding your attention there.

When the mind wanders off as it will, bring it back to the gentle movement of the breath in your body.

You don’t need to do any other processing; just watching the breath and allowing that breath to soothe you, allowing yourself to rest in the ebbing and flowing of your own gentle breath.

I’d suggest you take this one easy to begin with- maybe five breaths – working up to five minutes over time. Remind yourself as you go along that this is what it feels like to be with myself, not by myself.

What you’ll find in a relatively short period of time is that you quite enjoy being with yourself.

You’ll start to realise that it’s OK to be yourself, that it feels good to be you and you’re a pleasant person to spend time with. What a stabilising thought that is.

Physical exercise

While I’ve been trying to remind us of our own innate need for being alone (but not lonely), it’s important too that we balance that with our innate need to socialise and to move.

So if you’re not used to spending time exercising in the company of others, why not have a little look around your area and see what sort of group activities there are.

There are so many things out there for us to be ourselves but communally that it might be really enjoyable to give one of them a go

There may be a dancing club, or a Men’s Shed or a bridge club or a badminton club, a running or walking club, maybe even a local yoga class, chair yoga or otherwise.

There are so many things out there for us to be ourselves but communally that it might be really enjoyable to give one of them a go.

Remember, however, always check with your doctor before beginning any new exercise regime.

Something to ponder

Only you can determine who you are. You are the authority on you, so you need to spend some time with yourself, asking and listening to your own heart’s desires.

Take some time in your day to be with yourself to work on your relationship with yourself

But it’s nigh on impossible to do this if you’re constantly, frantically moving about, running from pillar to post. So take some time in your day to be with yourself to work on your relationship with yourself and learn how to befriend yourself.

That way, no matter where you find yourself, you’re always in the company of someone you like and love, alone but never lonely.

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