Close your eyes. Think of who you always feel warm with. Maybe it’s your granny, your parents, your teacher, a friend or even your dog. Someone you always feel safe with, and never criticises you.
They just love you for who you are and always seem to love having you with them.
Having people beside us as we learn makes us feel safe
As a result, you feel that you can conquer the world, you want to be with them and make them a part of your life. That have made you want to be their friend.
How they do it
Because they accept and like you, they are respectful of the person you are and don’t insist that you be like someone else. This is because they have learned to like themselves as they are and be very comfortable with who they are.
So, the secret in getting people to like you and want to make friends with you, is to practice accepting them as they are and not as you think they should be.
And in order to do this, you have to first learn how to accept yourself as you are.
What people want in a friend?
You don’t have to be perfect to be OK. We all grow by making mistakes and we feel comfortable with people we know are like us.
The world can be a scary place to be when we are trying to get things right.
So having people beside us as we learn makes us feel safe because we know they are learning and making mistakes as well and want you beside them as they do.
How to make people want to be my friend
Listen better. Use their name when you talk to them. Really and truly care about what they think and feel. Respect their opinion even when you don’t agree with it. Everyone has their story and wants to be accepted for who they are.
Be respectful, even with people you don’t like. Just like you, they are trying to learn, so accept them as they are.
This will make them feel that you are interested in them and what they have to offer. They are looking to be accepted by you as much as you are wanting to be accepted by them.
This doesn’t mean that you have to give them their own way, but when you do have to stand up for yourself, you can do so in a respectful way.
Enda Murphy is a cognitive behavioural therapist who focuses on supporting adults to support young people. For more details go to www.seeme.ie
MY MIND REALLY MATTERS
According to Mental Health Ireland (MHI) one in 10 children and young people are dealing with a mental health issue. These issues are generally a direct response to what is happening in the young person’s life.
Journals and gratitude diaries are recommended as a support for adults and now there is a version appropriate for younger people too.
Designed and developed to help children and teenagers create a more positive mindset, the “My Mind Really Matters” journals are available for children 6+, and teenagers 13+.
Creator, early year’s educator and mum of two, Lisa Kennedy suggests parents spend time with their little ones to help them complete their daily/weekly entries.
The colourful, child-friendly pages include thought provoking questions that encourage children to explore their feelings. Some of the questions and headings include ‘amazing reminders of who I am’, ‘weekly check-in, and learn what you love.
The teenage journal is designed to enable teens to set personal goals, discover the power of a more positive mindset, and give them the tools to understand that they are in control of their personal happiness.
Available at www.mymindreallymatters for €20.