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I have had a few disappointments recently. We all have our disappointments. But with age comes a toughness that trains the mind how to deal with disappointment. Such as, I can deal with things now much better than when I was half my age.
When something really goes wrong and knocks me back, I give it time to eat away at me and then at the right moment I stand up, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and say out loud to my reflection: “MOVE ON!”.
It works, most of the time. It is my way of expunging disappointment and ordering the brain to forget and move on. Everyone to their own.
I took Patrick shopping for something he had been looking out for a few weeks ago. He was very excited. But the shop hadn’t got it. He is 12 but I could sense a big disappointment. Disappointment is relative because this was very much a first world kind of disappointment. Even so. It allowed me to start an important conversation.
“Look Patrick, life is full of disappointments big and small. You must always be prepared to deal with them.”
For me it was a worthwhile discussion because I feel nowadays more than ever sadly we need to equip our children with the reassurances to help them deal with the huge challenges which face them particularly in their teenage years – when it comes to forming relationships with the opposite sex for example.
At 12 he is on the cusp of a whole new world. It is a lovely age. I was watching one of those old “Top of the Pops” shows on BBC4 a few weeks back and the featured episode was from 1985, when I was 12. And the songs made me tingle in a weird but happy sort of way.
I was taken back in time. I could smell 1985 such was the power on the senses of the music.
And I remember being aged 12 being a lovely time. The music reminded me of times and events and people that made me happy. So I am conscious that Patrick should be allowed enjoy the innocence and beauty of this time of his life.
It’s a delicate balancing act because I also want to alert him of the challenges of life ahead. What is expected of young people now in terms of being successful, materialistic and looking good is at a frightening level.
The TV presenter Adam Henson of Countryfile wrote a book about dogs last year and he told me that it is good to have dogs around children.
“Because they learn from an early age to deal with grief,” he said. Children who grow up on farms are also well-equipped by the time they reach 12 or 13 because they will have grown up experiencing disappointment, even on the best of farms.
What poor children growing up in poverty or in violent homes are dealing with is a whole different world and puts everything in perspective of course. Still all parents in all circumstances are probably under more pressure now than our parents were to protect us from the pressures of modern life. We need to look out for them and by teaching them that disappointment is an inevitable part of life, it’s a good start.
In this day and age, is there no alternative to stadium announcers at GAA stadiums having to tell stewards to go to end-of-match positions over the PA system? It must be deflating for the losing team a couple of points down when they hear the message, which is also code for: “Forget it, lads, time is nearly up!”
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