Dear Miriam,

My son and his wife had their first child this year. He is our only grandchild and we are stone mad about him. However, I do have a dilemma that I’d like your opinion on.

My daughter-in-law is a vegetarian. My son is not, but it seems that he mostly goes with what his wife wants at home as she does most of the cooking (though I know he likes to come to us for a “proper” dinner whenever he can).

Surely there are nutrients that growing children need from meat and fish?

Anyway, it turns out that she wants to raise their son as a vegetarian. I have no issue with anybody choosing not to eat meat as an adult, but I don’t think it’s fair to do that to a small child. Surely there are nutrients that growing children need from meat and fish? It certainly never did my children any harm anyway.

I’ve raised my concerns with my son, but he does not seem too bothered either way.

I’d be half tempted to sneak him a bit of ham or chicken when he’s old enough

He says that his wife is adamant about it and has done a lot of research, etc, to make sure that the child will have a healthy diet. I’m not happy about it though.

Do you think I should have it out with her? I’d be half tempted to sneak him a bit of ham or chicken when he’s old enough, but then that could backfire if she found out. Would appreciate your thoughts on this Miriam.

Worried Grandmother

Dear Worried Grandmother,

Thank you for your letter. The first thing I need to say is that I am not a dietitian or a nutritionist and, therefore, am not in the position to give you any advice regarding a child’s diet.

I suppose all I can say – and I say this as a omnivore – is that ultimately, this is a decision for the parents, not for you or for me; as long as the diet is well planned and the child is healthy and happy and thriving.

Your son seems satisfied to go along with his wife on this matter; though perhaps that’s because he does not really get involved in cooking for the family full-stop.

But he has assured you that your daughter-in-law has done her research.

But at the end of the day, there are lots of meat eaters and vegetarians with healthy diets

I don’t know if that means that she has sought the opinion of a GP or a dietitian for guidance to ensure the child receives enough protein, energy and iron from alternative sources to meat/fish, but I think that would be very important, especially in the early years of development.

Maybe that is something that you could ask your son about, for reassurance?

But at the end of the day, there are lots of meat eaters and vegetarians with healthy diets; and lots of meat eaters and vegetarians with unhealthy diets.

If you do have questions, you could ask your daughter-in-law to explain what a vegetarian diet looks like for a child

I’m going to assume – or hope – at this stage that your daughter-in-law is going to act in the child’s best interests as his mother, and unless there is any evidence otherwise, that decision has to be respected. Which means no sneaking slices of ham when he comes to visit.

If you do have questions, you could ask your daughter-in-law to explain what a vegetarian diet looks like for a child. But I think you need to approach the particular conversation with respect for her decision and a willingness to listen and learn.

Hopefully an open chat – rather than a confrontation – might help to set your mind at rest. If you do have concerns in time, that’s a different story, but for now, maybe just try to trust that they will do the right thing for their little boy.