Dear Miriam,
I know others have more pressing problems, but I was hoping you could offer some advice on a situation I’m finding very upsetting.
My son recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend. Although they’re only in their 20s, they were going out since their teens, and Miriam, to be quite honest, I was fully sure they were going to get married.
She’s a lovely girl, I’ve known her since she was tiny – she’s from around – and I thought of her as a daughter.
I’m afraid my son won’t meet someone else
Since they started going out she was always around our house and she was even in our family WhatsApp group. We’ve had to make a new family chat group because of this whole thing.
Now she’s gone and I miss her around, she was very supportive of me. I’m afraid my son won’t meet someone else, and if he does, that she’ll be a rip I won’t get on with. I think he’s made an awful mistake. I felt my son’s ex-girlfriend strengthened our relationship. I’m worried now that we’ll drift apart.
I don’t want to lose touch with her, but also, I don’t want to alienate my son
She asked me to meet her after they broke up – he finished things – and I did Miriam, it was only right. The girl was very upset and couldn’t understand why he’d called it off. I couldn’t enlighten her any further either, as I’ve been told nothing. My son mumbled and grumbled about us meeting up, saying I wasn’t to be speaking about him to her. I don’t want to lose touch with her, but also, I don’t want to alienate my son.
What can I do Miriam?
Munster Mammy
Dear Munster Mammy,
Thank you for getting in touch. Break-ups are very difficult, particularly for the couple involved, but of course it can have a spin-off effect on others and that’s where you’re impacted in this instance.
I want to start by acknowledging the difficult position you’re in and say that the way you’re feeling is quite normal.
I know we have years of experience on the youth, but there’s a time to share this wisdom and a time to hold back
It appears to me you have two issues; one, you feel your son has made a mistake in breaking up with this girl and two, you’re finding it difficult to maintain relationships with them both in their current form.
With regard to the first issue, feeling your son has made a mistake; I know we have years of experience on the youth, but there’s a time to share this wisdom and a time to hold back. In this case, it might be best not to share your thoughts. Your son made his decision and it was his to make. Much of the wisdom we gain with age is garnered through making our own mistakes.
I know it’s difficult, as you don’t know why they broke up and his ex isn’t too sure either. Perhaps the best course of action is support him and encourage him to talk. I’m sure coming out of this long-term relationship has impacted him too.
On juggling relationships with them both, often when two people are so close your connection with them can be intertwined
Let him know you’re there to listen without judgement or commentary, and if he’s not comfortable with that, encourage him to speak with someone else, maybe his father, siblings or a trusted friend.
On juggling relationships with them both, often when two people are so close your connection with them can be intertwined.
You’ll have to separate these relations and this may change them a bit, however not necessarily for the worst.
I know you’re worried you will no longer be as close with your son. Don’t worry, it’s clear you care for him deeply, but do make sure to make a little extra effort with him.
Also, let him know that you won’t speak personally about him to his ex-girlfriend, but do be firm that you will still see her. Tell her the same, politely, that you won’t be piggy in the middle.
I hope this offers you some help and reassurance. I wish you all the best in the future.
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Dear Miriam,
I know others have more pressing problems, but I was hoping you could offer some advice on a situation I’m finding very upsetting.
My son recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend. Although they’re only in their 20s, they were going out since their teens, and Miriam, to be quite honest, I was fully sure they were going to get married.
She’s a lovely girl, I’ve known her since she was tiny – she’s from around – and I thought of her as a daughter.
I’m afraid my son won’t meet someone else
Since they started going out she was always around our house and she was even in our family WhatsApp group. We’ve had to make a new family chat group because of this whole thing.
Now she’s gone and I miss her around, she was very supportive of me. I’m afraid my son won’t meet someone else, and if he does, that she’ll be a rip I won’t get on with. I think he’s made an awful mistake. I felt my son’s ex-girlfriend strengthened our relationship. I’m worried now that we’ll drift apart.
I don’t want to lose touch with her, but also, I don’t want to alienate my son
She asked me to meet her after they broke up – he finished things – and I did Miriam, it was only right. The girl was very upset and couldn’t understand why he’d called it off. I couldn’t enlighten her any further either, as I’ve been told nothing. My son mumbled and grumbled about us meeting up, saying I wasn’t to be speaking about him to her. I don’t want to lose touch with her, but also, I don’t want to alienate my son.
What can I do Miriam?
Munster Mammy
Dear Munster Mammy,
Thank you for getting in touch. Break-ups are very difficult, particularly for the couple involved, but of course it can have a spin-off effect on others and that’s where you’re impacted in this instance.
I want to start by acknowledging the difficult position you’re in and say that the way you’re feeling is quite normal.
I know we have years of experience on the youth, but there’s a time to share this wisdom and a time to hold back
It appears to me you have two issues; one, you feel your son has made a mistake in breaking up with this girl and two, you’re finding it difficult to maintain relationships with them both in their current form.
With regard to the first issue, feeling your son has made a mistake; I know we have years of experience on the youth, but there’s a time to share this wisdom and a time to hold back. In this case, it might be best not to share your thoughts. Your son made his decision and it was his to make. Much of the wisdom we gain with age is garnered through making our own mistakes.
I know it’s difficult, as you don’t know why they broke up and his ex isn’t too sure either. Perhaps the best course of action is support him and encourage him to talk. I’m sure coming out of this long-term relationship has impacted him too.
On juggling relationships with them both, often when two people are so close your connection with them can be intertwined
Let him know you’re there to listen without judgement or commentary, and if he’s not comfortable with that, encourage him to speak with someone else, maybe his father, siblings or a trusted friend.
On juggling relationships with them both, often when two people are so close your connection with them can be intertwined.
You’ll have to separate these relations and this may change them a bit, however not necessarily for the worst.
I know you’re worried you will no longer be as close with your son. Don’t worry, it’s clear you care for him deeply, but do make sure to make a little extra effort with him.
Also, let him know that you won’t speak personally about him to his ex-girlfriend, but do be firm that you will still see her. Tell her the same, politely, that you won’t be piggy in the middle.
I hope this offers you some help and reassurance. I wish you all the best in the future.
Read more
My sister-in-law wants to melt down the ring that she inherited from my mother
How can I support a friend through miscarriage when I am expecting a baby myself
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