Dear Miriam,

I would like your advice on the following. Meeting people of the opposite sex is very troublesome in rural Ireland at the moment.

With so many farms abandoned due to the downturn in the economy the past number of years, it’s a problem for a young fella like myself seeking a female friend and prospective future wife.

To complicate matters, there are no nightclubs any more in the local town, only pubs. I don’t drink very much and what I see at times is binge drinking, which I don’t like.

I see lovely looking women grocery shopping and at mass, but how would I get to know them? If I had the opportunity to have a coffee or take a girl to lunch that would mean the world to me. With someone like myself who is kind of shy, I don’t feel comfortable going up to a stranger and asking her out.

It’s very frustrating coming home alone. I would be a very good partner and loyal, as that is what I saw in my own parents. I look forward to your advice,

North West Reader

Dear North West Reader,

Thank you for your letter. I don’t think you are alone as I’m sure many women reading your letter feel exactly the same about the struggle to meet somebody special.

If pubs etc are not your thing, I really feel that the best way to meet people is through a shared interest, whether it’s joining a mixed sports club (for example, running or triathlon clubs are popular for both men and women) or a social group like Macra. It’s important, though, not to go in with the sole intention of finding your soul mate! Instead, pick something you will enjoy doing that will also expand your social circle, so that you will have the opportunity to meet lots of different people. Then, if you do find somebody that you “click” with, it will be much easier to strike up a conversation or suggest meeting for coffee or lunch when you have something in common.

Of course, if you feel like you need a more focused approach, there are lots of options, from internet dating sites to the Irish Farmers Journal’s Getting In Touch column (see page opposite).

Self-confidence seems to be holding you back though, so it might also be worthwhile looking into a little help with feeling more comfortable in yourself. If you check with your local family resource centre, you could find details of a personal development course or something similar that could be useful.

From your letter, it seems that you have strong values and a lot to offer. The important thing is to be true to yourself and find a way to let your own light shine. The right person will see it. Good luck.

A Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

Firstly, I would like to say that I love your column and I read it every week. Recently, I’ve noticed a trend in the letters you receive regarding women in unhappy marriages. It seems to be portraying farmers in a bad light. It seems every farmer is a bully and the families are often suffering in silence for many years.

I am writing to inform you that, in my experience, not all farmers are like this. I have been happily married for over a decade with four children to a wonderful man. My husband inherited his family farm and works very hard. I grew up in America so being on a farm was a very foreign concept to me. But over the years I have learned a lot. While it is often very hard work, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. My husband and I make a great team and our children are also growing up to love farming. Farming is more than a full-time job, it’s a way of life. We might not have a holiday every year but we are happy and that’s the point in life, isn’t it?

I sympathise with the women you hear from, but there is so much out there to help families these days. There is always hope.

Thank you for reading my letter,

Mayo Reader

Dear Mayo Reader,

Thank you for getting in touch and I am glad that you like the column. I agree wholeheartedly with you – of course, there are many very happy marriages in the farming community, but the very nature of a problem page is that we usually hear from the people who are struggling in silence and whose voices need to be recognised too. But thank you for writing in, as it is lovely to hear a positive story. I wish you and your family all the best. CL