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In relation to a recent problem published in Irish Country Living, “You never forget abuse – I feel that God let me down”, we have received the following letters from women in similar situations sharing their experiences. Thank you both for taking the time to reach out.
If anybody is going through a similar difficult situation in their marriage/relationship, there are services that can provide a confidential listening ear and support; for example, Women’s Aid operates a 24 hour National Freefone Helpline on 1800-341-900. For men who are experiencing abuse in their relationship, there are also services available, including www.anyman.ie
Other options might include accessing counselling support locally with an accredited therapist or seeking advice regarding legal rights from your local Citizens Information Centre.
I have endured bad times in my marriage and I feel now that I was used as a ‘doormat’
Dear Miriam,
I am saddened to read the letter in your section of Irish Country Living dated 24 August 2019.
The bully’s wife said God let her down, but I say “no”. The guilty party here is the man you married, your husband.
If there is no family, has the lady any siblings or friends she could turn to for help and a listening ear?
I could think of a lot of names for him, but alas, that does not solve anything.
That lady doesn’t say if she has a family. If so, confide in them and hopefully they may be able to help her in some little way. If there is no family, has the lady any siblings or friends she could turn to for help and a listening ear?
My family have been a great support and my siblings have helped me also
It’s a long difficult journey. I have endured bad times in my marriage and I feel now that I was used as a “doormat”, and worse still, I allowed that to happen. To the outside world my husband is the “hardworking gentleman”, but in the house he treats me so badly – leaves a mess on the table, in the bathroom, sleeping zone. Grunts and silent treatment is common.
My family have been a great support and my siblings have helped me also. I have a good friend also; otherwise I would find living each day a nightmare. Some time ago I got counselling and this helped me to talk and open up. Please get help, I advise that lady. I wish I could help her. Good luck.
I love your column Miriam,
Mayo Reader
The ‘Bully’ preys on the weak and vulnerable and continues to stamp on them until they crumble
Dear Miriam,
Regarding your letter from “Bully’s wife” published in 24 August edition, I could be that lady.
You have received many similar letters in the past and addressed them in a sympathetic and understanding manner as you did with your reply to the above letter.
The lady is right – any type of abuse demeans other individuals and should not be tolerated
I wouldn’t be giving the title of “Cranky man” to this “Bully’s Wife” husband – that’s far too mild a title.
The lady is right – any type of abuse demeans other individuals and should not be tolerated. However, in marriage situations, or otherwise, it can be difficult to deal with and drastic steps have to be taken early on, not later. The “Bully” preys on the weak and vulnerable and continues to stamp on them until they crumble.
He never stood up for me, but instead added to the bullying
I know, because after 40 years of marriage, there isn’t a happy ending. It has been a long struggle. At first it was fine and after 15-20 years of marriage I began to realise that it wasn’t the in-laws that were my only problem, but my husband was a greater problem. He never stood up for me, but instead added to the bullying, kept in control of all the farm in his name only so he could get loans from the bank without my consent and all farm payments etc. Today farming returns are not good, so margins are tightening – especially for me – and he has his pension to get, while I am not sure of mine. It will have to be assessed.
Good luck to that lady. I hope she has family – I am lucky on that front.
Galway Reader
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