Dear Miriam,

I would appreciate your advice on a small issue I am having with my mother-in-law.

I recently had my first child, and while I know a lot of mothers share pictures of their babies online and that’s fine for them, it’s not something that I am really comfortable doing. I’m not really into social media anyway and if I want to send a picture to somebody I’ll just message the person privately rather than share it with everybody.

My mother-in-law, however, is actually very tech savvy for her age and has been on Facebook since her youngest son went to Australia a few years ago. She has a few other friends who are equally active on social media, and they all like to share photos of their grandchildren with each other there.

The issue is that when I recently logged online after a bit of an absence, I saw that my mother-in-law had posted a few pictures to her Facebook page of my baby that she had taken on her phone without my permission. Now maybe you will think that I am paranoid or overreacting, but I was actually quite annoyed about it, though kept my mouth shut at the time.

Of course I know that she is just sharing the pictures because she is so proud to be a granny (it is her first grandchild) and that she has the best of intentions. But at the end of the day, this is my baby and I don’t think anybody should post photos online without seeking my permission or that of my husband; especially when it is clear that we are not posting any pictures ourselves. What if they fall into the wrong hands, especially if she does not have all the privacy settings in place, etc? Maybe that sounds over-dramatic, but you just never know.

I don’t want to cause any drama or unnecessary tension in the relationship, as we live practically next door. But at the end of the day I’m not comfortable with her sharing any more pictures online and I don’t want it to happen again. How should I handle this one?

Sincerely, New Mother

Dear New Mother,

Thanks for your email. This certainly is a conundrum for the times we live in, but at the end of the day, I think that when it comes to posting images of children online the parents’ wishes have to be respected; at least until the child is old enough to make their own decision (which is several years down the line in your case).

Of course, I don’t think that your mother-in-law meant any harm or to tread on your toes. She is obviously just proud as punch of her first grandchild and wanting to show him/her off to her own pals. So perhaps the best approach would be to take this line and emphasise that while you know that she is overjoyed to be a granny, you have decided not to post any images online on your own social media and that you would prefer it if everybody just shared any photos more privately, eg through text or in a family WhatsApp group.

If you are not comfortable saying that directly to her, maybe your husband could make the approach on behalf of you both. Hopefully a quiet word will do the trick. I hope that it works out and wish you the best of luck.

Note: Miriam writes

I recently have received several letters from readers commenting on various issues raised in this column. I am always interested in your opinions and feedback, but unfortunately, due to space constraints, I am not always in the position to publish this correspondence, especially at the moment as we have been receiving quite a lot of problem-page letters. But I sincerely thank everybody who takes the time to get in touch and am grateful for your interest and insights.

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