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Dear Miriam,
This probably sounds very petty, but I would appreciate your advice all the same. I am in a small book club with my sister-in-law and some of her friends. I am not originally from this area, so it was a good way for me to meet other girls my age and I was very grateful that my sister-in-law invited me in. We took a break from our meetings during lockdown, but we are hoping to get going again this September if we can make things work with social distancing eg sit out while the weather is still OK, or move to Zoom meetings depending on how things go with COVID-19. The main thing is just to get back reading.
It really annoys me, even though I know it must seem like such a ridiculous thing to be complaining about
I am a complete book worm and I’m always quick off the mark to buy whatever book we pick. I have no problem either loaning it to one of the other girls afterwards. However, I have found that because the girls know that I always buy the book, they will text to say, “Can I borrow it after you?” My sister-in-law especially. But nobody ever seems to say, “Oh I’ll buy it next time and you can borrow it?” It really annoys me, even though I know it must seem like such a ridiculous thing to be complaining about, considering everything that is going on in the world right now!
I don’t want to fall out with anybody, as I do enjoy being part of the book club
I’ve thought about pretending that I have borrowed the book from a friend, just so they realise they have to take their turn too, but that seems a bit childish. I don’t want to fall out with anybody, as I do enjoy being part of the book club. Have you any advice for what to do in this situation?
Bookworm, Leinster
Dear Bookworm,
Thanks for your email. I imagine that it’s not really the cost of the books that is bothering you, but the fact that nobody seems to have offered to “take turns”. And I know it’s not a big problem in the grand scheme of things, but little things like that can rankle and make us feel like we are being taken advantage of; even if that’s not the intention of the other people involved. I think sometimes when you are the “organised one”, people can just take it for granted a bit and don’t think that maybe they should play their part too.
It’s clear that you want to continue being part of the book club and that you don’t want any fallout over the issue. So I have two suggestions that might work. The first is to consider using your local library. Most libraries have specific sets of books that book clubs can borrow, using a group library card. Some sets will obviously be in more demand than others if they are recent releases or particularly popular, but I know that we have used this option before in our own book club and that it worked very well. Obviously the books have to be collected and returned, but each club member could take their turn doing this, which would make things a lot fairer. Why not call your local library to see if this service is available; if so, they should have a catalogue/book list that you can all take turns choosing from.
You don’t have to say that you are frustrated about how it has been working
The other option would be to ask somebody in the group itself to see if you could team up to take turns to buy the book. You don’t have to say that you are frustrated about how it has been working; it could just be a simple text like, “Hi, looking forward to book club again. Was just thinking, to try to save money, space at home (and the trees!) I was going to suggest teaming up with somebody to take turns buying the book every second month; would you be interested?” If you are closest to your sister-in-law, maybe you could try her first? Though I think to be honest it would be hard for anybody to refuse such a reasonable suggestion.
Hopefully one of these options might be helpful. Wishing you an autumn full of good reads and conversation with your club.
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