This is a subscriber-only article
Dear Miriam,
I would really appreciate your input on a problem I’m having.
My brother is getting married in the summer. He’s the first one in our family to tie the knot and all around, from my parents to my other siblings and aunts, there’s great excitement.
You see, I can’t stop focusing on the fact that I have no one to go with as my plus one
But, and I feel terrible saying this, I can’t seem to get into the swing of the celebrations with them. I suppose that’s why I’m writing to you for advice, my family would think I’m a total drama queen if I even mentioned this.
You see, I can’t stop focusing on the fact that I have no one to go with as my plus one. Including my brother getting married, I have four siblings. The boys are groomsmen and my other sister and I will most likely be sitting with their girlfriends.
My sister is in a long-term relationship, so she’ll be with her boyfriend and I just feel so terrible thinking about sitting there by myself. I confided in one of my friends about how ‘single’ I feel.
I guess this situation has really highlighted how bad I feel about not being in a relationship
She said that I have a good few months, to try and get involved with someone now, go to the wedding with them and sure it needn’t be forever if I don’t like them. I don’t know if it’s that simple!
Also, I guess this situation has really highlighted how bad I feel about not being in a relationship. My brother getting married is younger than me. I’m in my early 30s and still single. I came out of a four-year relationship three years ago and I have not really seen anyone in a serious way since.
I just can’t seem to get past this plus one thing
I would be quite close to my brother getting married, he’s only a couple of years younger than me. He and his fiancé have been really good in trying make us all feel included. They’ve told me I’ll be doing a reading.
But, I just can’t seem to get past this plus one thing. Have you any advice for me Miriam? I really want to just get on with things and be happy for my brother.
Thanks in advance,
Single Sister
Dear Single Sister,
Thank you very much for your letter. I’m sure there are plenty of people around the country in a similar situation to you and feeling the very same way, so you’re definitely not alone on this one.
First thing’s first, the plus one issue. Plus ones to events are often tricky and lots of people get anxious about them. Your friend’s advice – and I think you know this yourself – is not the best.
I would suggest bringing a friend as your plus one
If you try to meet someone just so you have someone beside you at the meal, are you really going to like them? Probably not. You could end up not enjoying yourself as much at your brother’s wedding.
I would suggest bringing a friend as your plus one. Ask one of your girlfriends who is good craic to go with you. Lots of people do it and you’ll have a great time.
On the broader issue of being unhappy about being single, as you’ve said in your letter, it’s the wedding that has made you feel bad about not being in a relationship. Don’t. You’re comparing yourself to others, which a lot of people do, but this has a negative effect on your happiness.
Don’t give yourself a timeline to meet someone
Everyone does things at different times. Don’t give yourself a timeline to meet someone. Actively look, but wait for someone you get along great with. Don’t put pressure on yourself, it can happen when you least expect it. I think once you accept your situation as is, you’ll be able to start enjoying the wedding preparations.
I’m sure your parents, sister or other brothers will understand
Finally, I know you don’t you want to be seen as dramatic, but don’t be afraid to express your feelings to a family member. Maybe not specifically your brother getting married, as he’s in a different head space, but I’m sure your parents, sister or other brothers will understand. It’s very normal to feel this way.
Best of luck with everything and enjoy the wedding.
SHARING OPTIONS: