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Dear Miriam,
My husband works very hard on the farm to provide for our young family. I work outside the home as well, so it can be full on in our house at the best of times.
In the last few months, he has really gotten in to cycling and joined a local club. I am all in favour of him having a hobby that involves getting off the farm and meeting other people, as we all know how solitary the farming lifestyle can be. The problem is that these group cycles on the weekends can take half a day at least or much more if it’s a charity event and that then eats into our time together as a family; especially as he can be “wiped out” afterwards. It also means that I end up having to do all the ferrying of the kids to football, dancing etc while he is out on the bike, when I’m wrecked myself after a busy week.
I remember you had a letter not so long ago from a man who did not want his wife to stay in a drama group because of the time commitment. I don’t want my husband to give up his hobby, but I feel like we need to manage this much better if we are all going to stay sane.
Do I sound like a complete “nag” or do you think I have a point? How would you handle this?
Aine, Munster
Dear Aine,
Thanks for getting in touch. You obviously recognise that it’s important for your husband to have an outlet away from the farm to blow off steam and cycling is certainly a healthy way to do that, with lots of benefits. The only issue is that – compared to going for a run or a swim say – the club “spins” tend to take several hours and that obviously is eating into your family time, which is very important to you, and I’m sure your husband as well. But I’m sure there is a way to strike a compromise here.
Why not sit down with your husband and explain that while you completely support his hobby, you are feeling a little under pressure at home due to the time involved. But there must be a way around it that works for everyone involved; for instance, if a weekly Saturday/Sunday spin is proving too time consuming, would your husband be happy to go every second week with the club and maybe meet one of his club mates who might be more flexible during the week if he can get away from the farm for an hour or two in the morning, afternoon or evening?
Depending on the age of the children, cycling might also be a nice pastime to try as a family if there are some safe trails to explore nearby. I know it won’t be the same as a club spin for your husband, but it still ticks the boxes of getting off the farm and out and about, enjoying the countryside, spending time together and creating lovely memories for the children, while re-enforcing healthy habits.
Though of course you could say the same for any outdoor activity that you do together as a family; even going for a walk together followed by a picnic can have so many benefits for you all.
Like learning to cycle, it’s just a matter of finding your “balance” to make it work. I hope this advice is of some help and wish you a lovely summer ahead for your whole family.
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