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Dear Miriam,
I am worried about my daughter, aged 10. I have noticed in recent months how she seems to get distressed by very small things eg if she is walking past a car in a carpark and touches off it by accident, she will want to go back and check that she did not mark it, and will often worry about it for a long time after, asking me over and over if I am sure that there was no mark.
I know that all children can worry from time to time, but this seems excessive to me
She is also very particular with her school work and takes any kind of feedback very personally eg if a teacher makes a passing comment that she does not think is positive, she will mull and mull over it, despite my reassurance that there is nothing to worry about.
I know that all children can worry from time to time, but this seems excessive to me and my attempts to calm her or cheer her up do not seem to be working.
It is awful to see a young child so distressed over things that really don’t matter.
Her father thinks that it is just a phase that she is going through and that she will grow out of it, but I’m not so sure.
Do you think that I am making too big a deal out of it? Or is it something that we should look at getting some help with? I really don’t know how best to deal with this.
Worried Mother
Dear Worried Mother,
Thank you for your email. I can understand why this is upsetting for you as a parent. Nobody wants to see a little child weighed down by worry; all we want is for them to be happy and healthy and to enjoy what should be a carefree time in their young lives.
Obviously, I am in no position to “diagnose” what the issue is here, but it does sound like your daughter is experiencing excess worry/anxiety in her day-to-day life, over what would appear to be small and insignificant things to you and me. I suppose the thing to remember, though, is while these fears might seem completely unfounded to us, they are obviously significant to her. And while the natural reaction as a parent is to reassure her that these things “don’t matter”, it might be helpful to consider seeking a little professional support in order to get to the root of the fears that might be driving these concerns.
I would perhaps recommend chatting to your GP and seeing if he/she might know somebody in your area who is skilled at working with children who are experiencing anxiety
A little intervention could also help to give her the tools she needs to tackle her anxiety in a more positive way, rather than engaging in the excessive checking and rumination that seems to be her way of processing things at the moment.
I would perhaps recommend chatting to your GP and seeing if he/she might know somebody in your area who is skilled at working with children who are experiencing anxiety or excess worry. I think that perhaps a professional could also support you in introducing little strategies that could work at home, such as child-friendly mindfulness practices or breathing exercises that you could do together to keep things as calm and as grounded as possible when worry strikes.
It might also be helpful to remember that many of us will experience times of anxiety and worry at some point in our lives, but that we can manage these challenges a lot better once we have the correct knowledge and the right set of “tools”. With a little early support at this stage, your daughter will hopefully build her resilience to deal as healthily as possible with whatever challenges may come her way. And is that not a great gift to be able to give a young person? I wish you and your daughter all the very best now and for the future.
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